This is a really hard post for me to write but it’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while. After more than six years of blogging, I’ve decided that I am no longer going to continue with The Athletarian. I want to say that this was a really difficult decision to make…but it wasn’t. I haven’t felt compelled to write very much over the last year or so and I think my lack of passion has become pretty obvious. My posts have been sporadic, I haven’t made the time to connect with other bloggers and my desire to grow is just not there.
I remember when I started out – I used to dedicate hours to this hobby. I’d photograph everything, blog multiple times a week, respond to comments, spend time finding new blogs and leaving comments on them, obsessively watch my stats in Google Analytics, and the list goes on and on. I did the same with Instagram. I’m pretty sure I used to post daily and then I don’t know when things changed but I somehow turned into this crazy Instagram perfectionist. Does it go with my grid? Is today’s photo too similar to yesterday’s photo? What time should I post so that more people see/like it? Guys, this shit is enough to make you crazy. Who cares about these things?! Why is an app consuming so much of my head space? Why am I spending an hour editing a photo and writing a caption? I couldn’t come up with a good answer to these questions so I just took a step back. I don’t post very much anymore and I’m okay with it. I don’t care about how many followers I have, if I gain some or if I lose some. I have an app that tracks all of your metrics – I used to refresh it multiple times a day and now I log in every once in a while out of curiosity. The other day I lost 56 followers. 56! Months ago I would have been rattled and wondered what I did wrong or if I offended somebody. Now it doesn’t even phase me. You don’t like what I post? BYE FELICIA. I really don’t care. I am no longer fueled by numbers and I don’t feel any pressure to stay on top of my account with consistent posting, liking and commenting.
I think that the validation people receive from all of the new followers and comments is what creates this need for more, more, MORE. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in it. SO easy. But if you let yourself get there, it’s also really hard to get out. The pressure is so real and you feel like you’ve got an audience that you need to please all. the. time. The sad part is, no matter how hard you try, it will never feel like enough. You are on a constant quest to be bigger and better. You naturally compare yourself to other bloggers and Instagrammers and there will always be people bigger and better than you. I’ll tell you one thing though – once you can get past that and decide to post/write about/do things for yourself and only yourself, you feel so liberated. This probably sounds crazy to you if you aren’t really into social media but I think that those who have been there will understand.
At the end of the day, I need to think about what makes me happy. I’m at a point in my life where I just want a little more privacy to live. You know how nice it is to go out for dinner and not take a photo of your food? Or go for a run and take a shower immediately after without feeling the need to take a photo to prove that you actually ran? I think that we truly forget how to live our lives because we feel this pressure to be “on” all the time and share everything we are doing with the world. I can’t be someone who documents my day from start to finish. I feel like you really lose touch with reality and at the end of the day, it’s not something that I’m interested in. I don’t want to live my life through a screen.
Life and priorities are changing. Maybe I’m just getting older and feel the need to focus on the things that will serve me in the long term. I want to put all of my energy and efforts into what it is that lights me up every day. The incredible people in my life, my work and my training all deserve to have the best and fully committed version of me. I want to be present and live in the moment without thinking that those moments need to be shared with thousands of other people. If something is special and amazing and memorable to me and to the people I am with, that’s all that matters. I don’t need views, likes and comments from people I don’t know in order to feel happy and fulfilled. I’m not trying to bring down or offend anyone who does use social media consistently. This is just my own perspective and the way I’m currently feeling about all of it. I hope you can understand.
I am so thankful for this community and all of the positive things that have come my way over the years. Never did I think that I’d be able to achieve so much just from this little blog. I’ve been blessed with so many incredible opportunities and met people that I know will be in my life forever. I developed an even bigger passion for running, received amazing support as I chased some of my big dreams and goals, and crossed so many finish lines. I laughed a lot, cried a lot, and shared bits and pieces of my life with you. My readers are the best and I am so grateful for each and every one of you that came along for the ride with me.
I can always be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and my Instagram will stay somewhat active. I don’t want to leave this community completely and I still want to do my best to stay connected, both with companies and individuals that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting/working with over the years. I’m not really sure how much I’ll be posting but I’m not going to put any pressure on myself anymore and I intend to keep most (if not all) of my personal life private. Thank you so much for understanding.
Sending infinite amounts of love your way,